so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i will never coherently bang her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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