Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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