i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
