yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
