At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
