Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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