All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
