im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't notice because vodka
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
