you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
