I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize