I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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