Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
