gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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