Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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