how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
