Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
