We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
