I wish I could teleport
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
