So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
