I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
