it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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