At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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