bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
