They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mom said you looked used
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
