..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
