Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
