How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize