yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
