my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
