I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
