So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I will be naked everywhere
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize