i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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