remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize