even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
