shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
