Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We are two peas in an std pod
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
