Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
