why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
