He told me they were just razor bumps!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
