I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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