so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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