Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So squirting runs in the family.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
