Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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