oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
