is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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