By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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