If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
