I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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