I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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