I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
