Your tits are I can't wait for
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
