everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
