I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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