Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my liver is dry heaving
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
