I'm gonna have a badass scar
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
