I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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