Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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