My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
