i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
