at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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