its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
