It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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