I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
