where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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