I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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