White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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