good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
