Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize