Im at strip club and am horny
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
