I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
