Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
