I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
