She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
