That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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