Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize