just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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