garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
