The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
