Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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