This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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