Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
