Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize