My liver just broke up with me...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
