Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize