lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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