She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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