its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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