Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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