"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
