adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
