forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What a dumb baby whore.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
