At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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