nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
