About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
